James Franco <3

James Franco is at NYU this semester. Apparently taking a class on Queer Cinema 101.

What I would give to have a class with him...

Although according to a comment on the site, "Even when James Franco is registered for a class, he doesn’t necessarily show up. And when he does show up, he’s an hour late, and he sits in the corner and scribbles illegible, emphatic notes while everyone stares at him as though he might spontaneously combust or turn into a rabbit at any given moment."

Yeah, that sounds about right.

on me dit que le temps qui glisse est un salaud - carla bruni

I don't like staying in one place. I get antsy for a change, a break in the routine. I'm sitting here in bed, listening to French music, wondering why I didn't follow in the footsteps of a ton of my college friends and move to Paris or Geneva. And then I remember that I got antsy in Paris, too. While there, I wrote la nouveauté d'un endroit s'en va toujours a few days before I returned to the States. As much as I loved Paris, for me it has always been New York. Because what does New York have if not nouveauté?

Now I'm at the last dredges of the summer slump. Making plans to break plans. Staying at home and doing nothing at all. At least I'll be out of here soon. This time I refuse to relegate my feelings to the territory of emo "need to escape" angst. How weird is it that I think my feelings are marginalized when someone tells me that other people/groups/movements have felt/are feeling exactly the same way? Sometimes I don't want my life to relate exactly to that song or that poem or that book. You are not alone. But sometimes I want to be.

Cleaning/packing

Cleaning house can be really painful sometimes, because looking back on certain things bring back memories that I'd rather let sit on the shelves for a while.

But it can also be kind of amusing. In a dark way. Something I wrote in a notebook a long time ago while attending a conference:

"58% of intellectual capital around the globe comes from women"

A statistic I no doubt thought was cool at the time, but that I find completely non-nonsensical now (my less sophisticated response while reading it -- "WTF?!"). How do you even measure something as intangible as "intellectual capital," anyways? Doesn't each company define it differently? And even if you could create a common definition (which I guess does sort of exist), how could you quantify it? For the world, no less!

And what about survey biases? Blanket statements like the one above kind of bother me. Not that I'm a statistics snob, but I don't like people trying to make themselves sound progressive with strange statistics that don't really mean anything in the end. I guess that's politics, though.

Sleeping more

This is slightly paradoxical, considering the time-stamp on this blog, but I've decided I need to drastically change my sleep habits.

1 Simple Goal -
7 hours per night. At least, on weeknights.

Reasoning -
Too many late nights in college have messed up my sleep schedule. I don't think I can expect to sleep at 2am and wake up on time for work. Also, I don't want my life span to be shortened because I hvae shitty sleeping habits. That's just not worth it. Good health = good sleep. I think.

Screw all my non-realized goals for this summer. It's now just over a month before I have to start work, and this is all I hope to accomplish. I think it's do-able.

So good night, and wish me good luck (and sweet dreams) :-D

Being Social and Stuff

Certain social mores and unspoken codes come into effect (or are more noticeable) when you get older. It's as if I can't just do whatever I feel like doing or want to do anymore without the nagging worry of being awkward.

Case in point - I met somebody during an event with whom I would really like to speak and re-connect. I got the business card of this person at the time, but could not locate it for a while. Now, almost a year later, I've found it again, and part of me wants to write this person an e-mail while another part of me thinks that the time frame of social acceptability has definitely already been breached. This may seem trivial, especially since I have a decent chance of crossing paths with this person after starting work, but I can't shake the feeling that it would be better to reach out now, if only to say, "yeah, I really did want to talk to you more the last time, I just never had the chance" before we're both working under the auspices of Corporate America.

So normally I would go with my gut on this one and send the e-mail, but I don't know anymore. Since when did I actively try to avoid social faux pas?

Marriage (or lack thereof)

Maybe it's because I'm hormonal, but every other day I somehow get quite upset over little things that multiply into bigger ones.

Case in point - today, some friends of mine were joking about the kind of man I was going to marry. It was all very harmless in tone, as in "oh, I can't imagine the kind of person you're going to end up with," but for some reason, this put me on the defensive. First of all, why are we talking about marriage, of all things? Why not date or boyfriend... why husband? This is another part of getting older, I suppose, that these sorts of conversations actually seem less absurd that they would. Second, I don't exactly appreciate the insinuation, however joking, that it would be crazy to find somebody who would actually marry me. Obviously I'm blowing this out of proportion, but I think I have enough insecurities and enough hormones floating around in my head that these sorts of things really don't help. Third, and most importantly (and this relates to the first), why marriage? Who says I'm getting married in the first place?

Of course my parents wouldn't understand this. Later tonight, we had some family friends over, and it was the same old conversation. "Have you found a boyfriend yet?" Only this time, when I said no, the response was really offsetting. "You'd better find one soon, and get married, too." My parents didn't say anything, but I know that they agreed. My grandparents as well... they keep telling me that they want to see me get married sometime in their lifetimes. I'd do a lot to make them happy, but I don't know if I can do that.

To me, marriage is such a huge thing that I can't even imagine it happening. And if (miraculously) I ever find a nice boyfriend, I certainly don't want to be pressured by outside forces into this huge commitment. Marriage is so much of a non-issue for me, yet so much of a legitimate issue for others who think they have some sort of stake in my life. Just thinking about this makes me sad as well as nauseous.

Yeah... hormones majorly suck.

On a lost USB Drive

I wrote a poem yesterday on a piece of Coscto's catalog when I couldn't find my USB drive amidst all the trash in our living room:

How much of our lives do we put in storage?
Piles of things
Material
Digital
Virtual
Stocked into
heaping columns and
entropic masses
Clutter

and the frantic and
frenetic search that ensues
for Lost Things
memories.
intangible documents
and
electronic pictures
we think we're making for meaning
when really
it's all just an expanse
of glorified
waste

~~

okay, not the best example of creative writing (haven't done that in a while). but it was nice to get my frustrations out.

i want to be more productive. list of things i want to do by the end of the summer:

1) learn ms excel (a skill that will actually come in handy when i start working, unlike much of my college education)

2) be more active: running, tennis, even golf. actually fit into my clothes

3) continue to improve le français and start learning deutsch

Gossip Goodness

It's amazingly easy to return to routine after traveling. Sleeping in, lounging on the couch, eating candy, watching Gossip Girl reruns...

Speaking of which, I saw this adorable video today of the cast



I think what makes Gossip Girl so great is that the cast seems kind of down-to-earth and real, despite the absurdity of the show itself. None of the girls are stick thin (like in the new 90210, of which, thank goodness, I only saw one horrible episode), Penn Badgely and Blake Lively are so cute together, and Leighton Meester is <3... it's easy to overlook the soap-opera like qualities of the storylines and the unspectacular acting of Chace Crawford (though his hotness kind of makes up for it... those unruly yet AMAZING bangs!!). I can't wait until Season 3 starts in the fall. I may not be in college anymore, but I will be in the city!!

Afternoon Tea at Fornum & Mason

I booked a spot for Afternoon Tea at the famed St. James restaurant in Fortnum & Mason, London.



Here's what the confirmation message said (emphasis added):

"Fortnum & Mason St. James Restaurant is delighted to confirm your reservation. Please make your way to the 4th floor on arrival to the store. Our dress code is smart casual and we ask that gentlemen wear long trousers and closed-toe shoes and that both sexes lean more towards elegance than the beach.... We look forward to welcoming you to the St. James Restaurant in Fortnum & Mason. With kind regards..."

This is great. I would say it's quintessentially British, but something tells me that Afternoon Tea nowadays is more of an elaborately constructed trap for affluent foreign tourists (or, in my case, ex-students with Fathers on business trips) than a long-standing British tradition.

Oh, well. It's nice to have Fathers on business, even if it means I'll be on my own most of the time. At least we'll have Afternoon Tea.

e-mail sucks sometimes

I hate modern communication sometimes because it makes it so hard to determine tone of voice. I don't know if an e-mail reply somebody sent me suggests he is annoyed with me or angry or being short with me or none of the above. And I'm a pretty neurotic and self-conscious person who seeks approval a lot so not knowing bothers me a lot.

*GASP*

Mugglenet, how could you?!!

Then again, isn't it great to know that even after publication of all seven books, the discussion continues? I love Harry Potter so much it really scares me sometimes, but I am nonetheless happy to be immersed in such a phenomenon. Other generations had Star Wars and Star Trek... for us, it's HP and 100000 times better.

~

In other news, still working on this dratted paper. My stomach hurts from all the junk food I've consumed, but what else is new...

paper writing (yes, another one): what's a thesis again?

2 questions:

1) Why do professors, time and again, insist on assigning papers that are due during the last week of classes AND final exams/final papers? When I am finished with a paper, the last thing I want to do is write another one for the same class. Diminishing marginal returns, people. This is why we need Econ-English lit hybrids like yours truly.


2) What's more contrived than the "thesis statement"? Sometimes, especially in English classes, I think it would be better for professors to assign a position and ask students to defend it (or contradict it). Let's be realistic here. My feverish, caffeine-hyped self is not going to come up with anything unique to say about the book in the course of a couple of days. Why don't we just drop the pretense and admit that what you really want is for me to show you I can form a cohesive thought and write about it in a somewhat organized fashion. The thought itself (unless it's ridiculously idiotic) hardly matters. That's my problem with writing papers lately and my self-justification (excuse?) for not getting the grades I got first and sophomore years. My efforts to write something that actually matters rather than to regurgitate class discussions, adding on a layer of BS for good measure, might not yield satisfactory results, but at least they feel more genuine to me. Not that that matters here.

Disclaimer: My mood is probably going to be pretty foul these last few weeks. That's what papers and regrets and stupid family/"personal" issues will do. Well, at least I'll be all the more happy during Commencement to be rid of the frustrating constraints of academia.

... AND I'm going to Believers Never Die, Part Deux on Tuesday! They understand my *troubled state*/*emo moments*. Or pretentiousness ["frustrating constraints of academia"?? Seriously, did I really just write that. What a poser I am. But I still am very bitter inside.]

French

I am writing a paper for my Business French class about the constitutionality of racial statistics in France, and I wanted to say "As Louis Schweitzer claims..."
I had to look in the dictionary to find that the French word for "claim" was "prétendre," whereas just a few months ago I would have known that. It's not a big deal, but it is disappointing how fast languages can be forgotten. How am I supposed to keep up my Mandarin, my French, and yes, even my English (in the literary sense), and try to learn German [so I can get a rotation in Frankfurt] while I'm working?

College might suck in a lot of ways, but at least it shoves "academic opportunities" in your face. Without this framework, it's up to you to do the work in seeking them out, and considering my laziness, I don't know if I will.

"CONSTANT VIGILANCE" (5 points if you know what I'm referencing here)

When I exclaimed, "Happiness is complicated" to a professor, he replied, "Maybe happiness is just being."

I'm not usually one for the psychoanalytical stuff (I never did take AP Psych in high school and I have no idea about anything really), so I actually don't have a clue what he means. I think, though, that part of being happy is just not thinking about being happy. John Stuart Mill puts it this way:

"But I now thought that this end [one's happiness] was only to be attained by not making it the direct end. Those only are happy (I thought) who have their minds fixed on some object other than their own happiness[....] Aiming thus at something else, they find happiness along the way[....] Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so."

Or, in a way, "Ignorance is bliss." Maybe thinking too much is precisely what's causing my moods to be so spastic these days. How's that for an excuse to be exempt from my final exams/papers?

actually posted by somebody as an online comment:

"everybody knows that the male is the stronger species"

immediate reply:

"i didn't realize that 'male' was a species"

...

pwned.

happiness is the most complex thing in the world.

EDIT:

walking back from the gym, i saw an eagle flying onto the lamppost by seelye hall. maybe it's a sign.

Vinyl Records -- curiosity

What's the difference between vinyl records and CDs (obviously beyond the purely aesthetic)? This might be a stupid question, but I'm young enough to not have had much experience with record players. So what are the advantages of owning records vs. CDs or even computer music files?

And does the width/size of the record (i.e. 7'') tell you something about how many songs can be played on it?

Weightless

I can't wait to see All Time Low in concert in April.

Their new song, Weightless:
Listen! (it's not emo!)

Manage me,
I'm a mess,
turn a page,
I'm a book half unread,
I want to be laughed at,
laughed with,
just because,
I want to feel weightless,
and that should be enough,
but I'm stuck in this fucking rut,
waiting on a second hand pick-me-up,
and I'm over getting older,
If I could just find the time,
then I would never let another day go by,
I'm over getting old,
Maybe its not my weekend,
but its gonna be my year,
I'm so sick of,
watching while the minutes pass,
as I go nowhere,
and this is my reaction,
to everything I fear,
'cause I've been going crazy,
I don't want to waste another minute here,
Make believe,
that I impress,
that every word,
by design turns a head,
I wanna feel reckless,
wanna live it up,
just because,
I want to feel weightless,
'cause that would be enough,
If I could just find the time,
then I would never let another day go by,
I'm over getting old,
Maybe its not my weekend,
but its gonna be my year,
I'm so sick of,
watching while the minutes pass,
as I go nowhere,
this is my reaction,
to everything I fear,
'cause I've been going crazy,
I don't want to waste another minute here,
This could be all I've waited for,
this could be everything and I don't want to dream anymore,
Maybe its not my weekend,
but its gonna be my year
and I've been going crazy,
I'm stuck in here...
Maybe its not my weekend,
but its gonna be my year,
I'm so sick of,
watching while the minutes pass,
as I go nowhere,
this is my reaction,
to everything I fear,
'cause I've been going crazy,
I don't want to waste another minute here

Summer songs are so upbeat, even if the lyrics aren't. They have this kind of reflective quality that I like a lot.

watching movies on a big screen tv = fun stuff

over the past two days i've watched catwoman and hitch and some corny olsen twins movie set in rome. in short, i really love my lethargic spring break.

things i've noticed:

1) halle berry is kind of scary in catwoman. i love cats, but wow. freaky s&m stuff going on there. and the storyline doesn't really make sense. not to mention her half-nakedness doesn't really do it for my self-esteem... clearly i am not the target audience.

2) i <3 albert in hitch. accountants are cool.

3) italian accents are hot.

Bob Dylan

in a Bob Dylan mood. Thank you, History of Rock class...

Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.

Though I know that evenin's empire has returned into sand,
Vanished from my hand,
Left me blindly here to stand but still not sleeping.
My weariness amazes me, I'm branded on my feet,
I have no one to meet
And the ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.

Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.

Take me on a trip upon your magic swirlin' ship,
My senses have been stripped, my hands can't feel to grip,
My toes too numb to step, wait only for my boot heels
To be wanderin'.
I'm ready to go anywhere, I'm ready for to fade
Into my own parade, cast your dancing spell my way,
I promise to go under it.

Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.

Though you might hear laughin', spinnin', swingin' madly across the sun,
It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run
And but for the sky there are no fences facin'.
And if you hear vague traces of skippin' reels of rhyme
To your tambourine in time, it's just a ragged clown behind,
I wouldn't pay it any mind, it's just a shadow you're
Seein' that he's chasing.

Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.

Then take me disappearin' through the smoke rings of my mind,
Down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves,
The haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach,
Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow.
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free,
Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands,
With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves,
Let me forget about today until tomorrow.

Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.



I've never realized how small Western Massachusetts could be. Certain things are coming back to haunt me, and I just want them to go away.

un goût amer

« soirée des amoureux »

not a rendez-vous, not a fling, just a sloppy effort
at romance that left us both awkward and cold
now i wear that bittersweet smile
play the woman scorned
victim of a prince charmant
reveling in their secret pity
knowing inside the blurred truth
that does not cut but rather erodes

who do we blame?
i took the risk
wanted too much
you spoke of love
forgot who you were
who do we blame?
two weeks of winter that melted and froze again
all i have is sadness, inadequacy,
overwhelming shame

Blink-182

In my History of Rock class today, we discussed Phil Spector and the Girl Group Era of the 60s. I learned that as the producer of many of these groups, Spector owned the rights to their names, meaning that he could (and would) often record performers on albums without giving them due credit as themselves.

For instance, there was a group called The Crystals, which had five original members. One time, while they were on tour abroad, he brought a different group, The Blossoms, into the recording studio to make an album. He then proceeded to pass this off as The Crystals' album. This was legal.

And is legal. Our professor mentioned that Guns n' Roses' only original member today is Axl Rose. And yet he still tours (and released an album... ick) under the group name. Why? Because he owns the rights to it.

My question was: What about Blink-182? When they went on "hiatus," Mark and Travis formed +44, while Tom formed Angels and Airwaves. Why didn't either of them tour as Blink? Was it because none owned the rights to the name, or rather was the decision sort of a mutual thing, because they knew that they would and could never really replicate the same mentality of the three of them together?

I didn't actually ask this question in class because... I don't know. Self-consciousness, I guess. I get nervous in classes like these, and my previous two questions were poorly worded, so the class probably thinks I'm annoying anyways.

BUT it's a moot point now, because Blink is back together!! Despite my enjoyment of poppy girl and boy bands in the 90s (which, by the way, I have no qualms admitting), I actually liked Blink a lot. Especially "The Rock Show." And now that I'm older I can appreciate some of their songs better, ironic (or not) that may be. I'm going to Warped -- hope they'll be there!!

This needs to stop, internet ad people.

Everywhere I go on the internet, I am hounded by flat stomach ads that go something like this:

1 SIMPLE RULE: OBEY AND YOU WILL HAVE A FLAT STOMACH IN 2 WEEKS LIKE ME.

I would click on one, but I don't want to give the ad any more hits than it deserves, which is none. It may very well be that many Americans are overweight, but promoting stupid and potentially unhealthy ads is not the solution. Obviously you can't get a perfectly flat stomach in two weeks if you're, say, 50 pounds overweight. "Celebrity" juice diets and unsupervised fasting are sketchy claims at best, starting routes to anorexia and other eating disorders at worst.

(Plus the pictures really gross me out and do nothing for my own body image)

2 common examples, because I can't stand it anymore --

And no, my search for "estomac" was not unintentional, though you'll find that no matter what word you search for, more than 5 minutes on wordreference.com yields this ad. Ironic, isn't it, that the Domino's Pizza is directly above it? And a bit inconsistent, n'est-ce pas, that the ad's title is "2 Rules to a Flat Stomach," while the description below the pictures reads "I cut out 2 lbs of stomach fat per week by obeying 1 Golden Rule." Yeah... if somebody who's trying to sell you something can't tell the difference between 1 and 2, I'd say you're better off declining the offer.




Oh, this is classic. An article about the deaths of anorexic Brazilian models framed by a banner ad about a get skinny quick "trick" called the "Golden Rule." And what would that be, "don't eat"?

iPod

I almost lost my i-pod today. My Zara boots are completely useless for traction, and I slipped while walking down my front steps (while the guy behind me laughed.. seriously, wtf). My ipod fell from my bag, but I didn't notice for a few minutes.

Fortunately, someone found it. I actually feel self-conscious when people look through my playlists/albums (especially since my first album, alphabetically, is The Academy Is...). At the time, I was listening to a playlist entitled "totally emo stuff." Do they judge me based on my music? If this was your first impression of me, what does that say? Does it matter?

Rock & Roll and Amherst College, my *dream school*

From one of my readings for the course Roll Over Beethoven- The History of Rock:

"Art is art, and great rock & roll is great rock & roll no matter what kind of maniac is playing it"

I'm trying to take classes that fall outside my normal comfort zone, which gives me mixed feelings. The list so far:

- Rock & Roll (above): cool class. Makes me wish I could play the guitar.

- The Novel Now: English class for my minor. Just finished White Noise, which I didn't particularly like, but the rest of the readings look interesting - The Inheritance of Loss, Toni Morrison's A Mercy, Philip Roth...

In other words, contemporary fiction that I might read for myself anyways. This is good and bad. Good because the books will grasp my attention at once. Bad because I have to read them for a class. Much of the pleasure in pleasure reading for me comes from the very fact that I don't have to understand the deeper meaning behind every chapter if I don't want to. And, in particular, if I don't like the book, I can stop reading or just not pay attention. Not so here.

Plus class discussion in English courses has always been a problem for me.

- Business French: supposed to prepare me for the exam administered by the French Gov't that officially certifies you are at a certain competence level in terms of professional skills. So if I really want to live/work in Paris (yeah, I know... dream on, right), this is what I need.

So far, it's a lot of work that I'm not that motivated to do. I mean, I'm going to be working in NYC for the next 2-ish years, and I'll probably just forget all the stuff I learn anyways. So what's the point?

- Consumption and the Pursuit of Happiness: not only is the subject a bit different from the run-of-the-mill Econ, it's taught at Amherst. Very mixed feelings about this one.

I must admit, I decided to take this class to "pursue my happiness," in fact, because I have never taken a class at another 5 College school. So a part of me just wanted to do that -- it's my last chance, after all. I just hope there's no *attitude*/stigma against 5-college ppl. Just because it was my *dream school* when I was 17 doesn't mean it is now. But I wonder if any animosity exists - i.e. do people there look down on non-Amherst ppl because they feel we're slipping in since we weren't "good enough" to get into Amherst "the real way."

I think I'm the only non-Amherst student in the class. It's so weird taking the bus to and from; it makes me feel like I'm in high school again, sitting by the window by myself and daydreaming. It's kind of nice.

Plus the coed factor.

Though I feel like every time I tell somebody I'm taking a class at Amherst, the automatic/obligatory response is "oooh guys *wink wink*." It's funny... the first time, but after that it just gets annoying. I would take this class if it were offered at Smith, too. Rarely does an Econ class go beyond the typical models/assumptions mix elements of Psychology and Philosophy. And the professor is hilarious.

I won't deny that I often wonder what it would have been like had I gone to a coed school; this is my first coed class since high school (not counting Paris, where there were too many other cultural differences that came into play for me to even consider this). It's certainly quite different; like I said, it's definintely outside my comfort zone, but I think that's necessary. For life, I mean. To be able to adapt to different environments. And yes, it's nice to have guys in the class for once...
But I hate how everybody here (even some Amherst people probably) assumes that I'm in the class because I'm soooo guy deprived. I'd be a pretty pathetic human being indeed if I were to willingly give up my Wednesday and Friday afternoons just to see some guys. Um, if I wanted to do that, I'd just hit up frat row at UMass. Or, you know, go into town. Just because you don't walk out of the Smith bubble doesn't mean I can't.

This has turned into too long a rant for me to continue. But it was nice getting it all this annoyance out... not aimed at anyone in particular, of course. Who knows, maybe I'll end up not taking the course; we'll see after my talk with the Prof.

For me, this last semester is all aobut moving away from my typical experiences at Smith. It's a transitional period in my life, so my courseload should and will reflect that as well.

The Last Flower

Cleaning out my house during the last few days of break, I discovered this poem I apparently wrote on April 4th, 2003 for American Studies Period 8/9:

The Last Flower

Disappeared from the Earth
... the last flower was dying
Together the young man and the girl nurtured the flower and it began to live again
Love was reborn into the world
Towns, cities, and villages sprang up.
Songs came back into the world
So presently the world was at war again
This time the destruction was so complete that nothing at all was left in the world.

Except...

The Last Flower

~~

I think I spent half an hour laughing like crazy... what terrible BS I came up with for that class. It's presented in the form of a poster, too: each verse is written on a "petal," which has my very own illustrations of every scene. See:



I don't write creatively that often anymore, but this just goes to show that you can't force your muse.

veronica mars

i freaking love that show. to the point of wasting hours watching the episodes. just gotta love the wit of v. mars. i wish i could be that cool.
i don't know what i'm going to do once i finish the third season. probably go back to gossip girl. it's kind of sad that i get into bands because i've listened to their songs on these cw shows. like the dandy warhols -- "a long time ago" is the theme to v. mars. it's just not as cool to say "oh, i heard of these guys from a tv show." oh well, at least it's better than "i heard of you guys from guitar hero" (it happens more than you'd think...).

on another note: who wears eye makeup before going to bed? v. mars, apparently -- season 3, ep 3.

2009. I feel old.

Yikes, another year. This is really freaky, because on some levels I don't feel much older at all.
But I guess I do look older and (maybe) act older. For example, today I went out to dinner with my parents, and I saw a couple who were maybe a little older than my parents sitting at a table near us. I pointed them out to my parents as a very romantic pair.

We ended up leaving at the same time, and the woman was standing in front of the coat rack. She excused herself and moved aside to get my coat. Normally, this would be the end of the story. Except the woman and man made small talk with me about the weather and things like that. Sure, you could chalk my bizarre feelings to those of a girl who's too caught up in the Parisian way, in which la conversation is an art and one does not engage in it for a few seconds with strangers. Yet I prefer to see it as a kind of acknowledgment that I'm on their level... I mean, if I were in high school, they would not have talked to me the same way, right?

EDIT: a day later, re-reading this makes me feel kind of stupid. So what if I can make polite conversation with other people; doing so maybe says more for my sociability skills than anything else. On the other hand, lately I've had this gnawing feeling of getting old... and it's really sad.