aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh

aaahhhhh
aaaaahhhhhh
I've got that lefty curse
Where everything that I do is flipped
and awkwardly reversed
You're seldom known and barely missed
I always put myself
in destructive situations
I need oxygen
to be exposed where no one goes
Where no one's been
When it all comes crashing...

aaaahhh
Now we've got a big, big mess on our hands tonight
ahhhhaaahhhhhh
Now we've got a big, big mess on our hands tonight

Somebody get my phone
So I can throw it in a public pool
And watch it float
And as it's slowly sinking down,
become a social ghost
Inside a box, cut out the top
To let some light shine in
To remind me of what I've done
And where I've been
When it all comes crashing...

aaaaaahhhhhhh
Now we've got a big, big mess on our hands tonight
aaaaaahhhhhh
Now we've got a big, big, big, big,mess on our hands
On our hands

Don't give in, don't give up
I'll be gone
You don't look innocent enough
We're too young to be critics
We won't miss anything at all
Don't give in, don't give up
I don't look innocent
with this big, big mess on us
Say something else

Now we've got a big, big mess
A big, big mess
aaahhhhhhhhh
Now we've got a big, big mess on our hands tonight
aaaaahhhhhhh
Now we've got a big, big, mess on our hands tonight
aaaaahhhh
now we've got a big, big, mess on our hands tonight
On our hands

Don't give up, don't give in
I'll be gone
I don't look innocent enough
We're too young to be cynics
We won't wish any harm at all
Don't give in, don't give up
No one looks innocent
With this big, big mess on our hands tonight

When it all comes crashing

It's winter again...

Its winter again, a white washed and frozen sky…
I came to the door, eyes maladjusted from the light,
but your voice rang clear.

You said, “For all I thought I’d ever need,
its hard to face the holidays without.”
Well I’ve left my last message on your machine
Its hard to face the holidays when you’re looking for the words to say.

So you’ve found a friend. You spend all your cold nights with him,
but if i was there, then I’d wonder why you still wear my jacket closed
with traces of my scent.

I’d say, “For all I thought I’d ever need,
its hard to face the holidays without.”
Well I’ve left my last message on your machine
Its hard to face the holidays when you’re looking for the words to say.

So stay with me here. Nose to nose, cold enough to see as our breath slowly escapes and exchanges from my lungs to yours, from your mouth to mine.

For all I thought I’d ever need,
its hard to face the holidays without.
Well I’ve left my last message on your machine
it’s hard to face the holidays when you’re looking for the words to say.

When you’re looking for the words to say.

["maladjusted" is love]

optimism is the new cynicism

i'm too tired to go to sleep tonight

imettheacademyis. william beckett touchedmyarm. and we talked. about the economy, of all things.

okay, that was on friday the 14th (lucky day), so this is all a bit delayed. but the butterflies = still here. when i sat for my senior portrait the guy told me to smile genuinely, with my eyes. guess who i was thinking of.

i have so much work to do that i cannot even fathom how to begin. but i'll work it out, one way or another. because, really... this won't even amount to a micro-meter of anything in the end. instead of magnifying our problems and downplaying our happy moments, we should do the opposite. god knows we'll need some optimism if we're going to get through this "crisis" thing. and mr. obama... i hope you can bring it out in people.

awake is the new sleep

weird day

got a library fine of $26 today for returning a reserved book a few hours late. managed to talk my way out of it, mostly by looking whiny and sad.

some random guy stopped me as i was walking back home from the library. it went like this:
him: "hi, are you a smith student?"
me: "yes"
him: "may i ask, what nationality are you?"
me: "chinese"
him: "oh, can i ask you a question?"
me: "sure"
him: "have you ever heard gospel before or joined a church?"
me: "um... no, but i'm really not interested. thanks"

i didnt know there would be asian evangelicals on this particular college campus, of all places....


started running every day again ... it's really nice. it gives me some alone time away from people, which is nice. though my thighs are huge(er) now

everybody knows that you break your neck to keep your chin up

tell me i'm beautiful and i'll believe you one day

Self-centeredness

There was something about today. I think once you get into a certain "funk" it's hard to get out of it... for me, if I wake up in a bad mood it just spirals until something mood-changing happens (which is rare) or until the next day comes (which often doesn't cut it either).

I don't know what sparks this strange mood, which makes me want to stay under the covers all day and hide away from everybody and everything. Yes, it's all so emo until it's real. And then you end up feeling antisocial and crappy for having wasted so much time. And bad. I mean, do I even have any substantial problems compared to a lot of other people? Everything seems so minor when put into perspective, and yet when I apply my perspective to things this moodiness dominates and impedes upon any chance of happiness and productivity for the day. Maybe it's hormones or something, who knows. I did eat an awful lot of crap, then ended up watching Ugly Betty for a good part of the day.

Why do I have days like these?? I wish I had a time-turner so I could go back just two days and tell myself to stop being such a freak. I guess I'll have to try and make sure it doesn't happen again, but I'm really afraid it will.